2月27

标题总是不想写年份。以前一直以为是强迫症使然,刚刚才意识到是我自己根本就想把时间线画成一个圈。一年年过去,周而复始,在同样的时间做不同的事,妄图永远走在奔三路上。

然而现实是,这个三我今年赖不过去。过去的十年里,一切借口托辞都言必称三十,等到30就如此这般,买房买车结婚生娃,过着白开水一样的生活。曾经觉得十分遥远的挡箭牌,现在终于要见到本尊,而我心里想的仍然是劈柴喂马。倒也没人催我,就是自己特别心虚。

不过转念一想,人生在世无非图自己心安,我和期待这些事情发生的人本不是一个池塘的鱼,何必那么认真。到底是对是错是利是弊,谁都说不清楚,只是走的路不同,看到的风景不同而已。只庆幸周围还有人理解我想去劈柴喂马的心思。

除去心虚,奔三末尾这段时间,感受到的先是心急,半年里发生了不少大事,大喜大悲,大大地折腾,仿佛用掉几年工夫。想改变又怕变数,一时也曾乱了阵脚,但生活这个碧池推着人往前不容犹豫,孰重孰轻也自然都显露出来,反而学会放下了,譬如名利、金钱,以至于脸皮,命都要没了,要这些何用?留下来的,责任、担当,还有爱,人性本当如此。

趁过年期间带全家人去人妖国自由行。行程排得懒散而欢乐,带团之余竟也抽出两天时间给自己完全放空,终于把捉急的情绪压了下去。而出去一走又总能看到自己身上诸多缺点,于是回国后的感觉又变成慌乱,进而转化成对时间的恐惧,似乎末日将至万劫不复。过去几年一直想做又没动力做的事情太多,曾经给自己的许诺,30岁以前要这样那样,实现的不过寥寥。眼看着2016到了,拖延症表示过完春节才算,紧接着年也过完了。明知不能等,又迟迟不肯动手。荒废的时间一去不返,这才是我最大的危机。

捉急和慌乱之外,还有对未来的一丝担忧。小时候总在幻想山外的世界,如今终于翻越重重山岭到了海边,却发现依然有座无形的山丘在心里。说走就走的旅行,说不定什么时候就变成说走就走的生活。现在的职业瓶颈已经初现端倪,是时候给自己造条救生艇了,保留随时弃船逃生的条件——毕竟支撑我留下的是工资和安稳,并不是工作内容。

晚上和师姐一边聊一边想自己这些破事。碰巧谈到理想,我第一个想法是随心所欲,话茬过后再仔细想想,应该是活得对得起自己,无怨无悔,这才像话。

奔三最后一截了。要跑起来啊。

————

#首先要完成的事情是去袋鼠国,这么些年一直想去一直没敢动手,欠自己一个交代。果断买了不得退改的机票,明天递签证申请,两周后去。

8,593 thoughts on “2月27

  1. Italian economist as well as China expert Michele Geraci hailed the MOU signed between the two countries as “a win-win-win for Italy, the rest of Europe as well as China”, and said he believes more European countries will follow his country’s lead as well as sign up to be involved in the initiative.

  2. China as well as ASEAN already reached a Declaration on the Conduct of the Parties in the South China Sea (DOC) years ago, and have been seeking an more robust code of conduct.

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