11月21

2字头的年纪还剩最后一小时,好像有一道门槛横在前面。门槛那侧仍是同样的泥巴路。

越来越近。

似乎又有那么点不一样。说不上来。

这个场景我无聊之余幻想过无数遍,最近一次的幻想中这道门槛背后有道关卡,跨过去会有个金箍套在头上。为此特意在国庆节行程里排了一天银川,想在镇北堡的土城楼拍张照,送给明天的我,说,那个人好像一条狗耶,背景里放那首一生所爱,矫情极了。

然而并没有去。

十年前刚刚奔二的我,大概也会觉得此时即将奔三的我像一条狗吧。变成自己曾经讨厌的人,曾经感觉十分糟糕,现在却有点心安理得。而意识到自己竟然心安理得的那一刻,愈发觉得人生无趣。

这十年间断断续续也更了近十年的博,没删过。每篇出炉时都是自我感觉良好,过段时间再看,幼稚。铺开来一抖落,全是从一个sb变成另一个sb的副产品。

如果穿越回十年前,我会对自己说什么?06年冬天我在全力准备考研和毕业,大学里最上进的一个学期,没有压力,全凭自觉。现在的我表示没脸回去见自己。

而不知何时开始,头顶已经被箍了一圈,只是我一直没察觉。金箍代表什么,责任,责任,责任,哪来那么多责任。我管好自己就行,为什么还要被人指手划脚,为什么还要为别人负责。

所以门槛那侧并没有机关。

还有一分钟。

生日快乐。希望你跨过这道门槛以后,少点抑郁,多点自制。

即使做狗,最重要的也是开心。嗯。

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